If the royal brothers want to reconcile, they could do worse than a North London boozer on a Tuesday night, and I have some venues in mind

Neutral Ground With Crisps

There is a long British tradition of settling things in the pub. Arguments about football, disagreements about politics, awkward conversations about who owes whom money: all of them have been resolved, or at least postponed, over a pint and a packet of crisps. So when I read the London Prat piece on Prince William reportedly calling Earl Spencer and Harry traitors, my immediate thought was: those boys need a pub.

The Row, Briefly

Reports say the heir thinks his brother read their uncle memoir first and has called them both traitors. Others say reconciliation is off. The uncle insists he warned everyone. Nobody is speaking. Classic pub material, frankly.

Why the Pub Works

A good pub is neutral territory. Nobody owns it, nobody is the host, nobody can storm off to their own room. There is noise, which means awkward silences are less awkward. There are distractions: the telly, the quiz, the dog asleep by the fire. And there is the ritual of rounds, which forces people into small acts of generosity. You cannot stay furious with someone who has just bought you a drink without being asked.

London pubs, in particular, are masters of this. The old boozers of North London have seen every kind of family drama: wakes that became reunions, christenings that became arguments, birthdays that became both. The staff have seen it all and will not bat an eyelid.

A Short Interval

The London Prat has also done a video on YouTube, which I watched in the corner of my local while pretending to read a menu I already know by heart.

The Rules of Pub Diplomacy

Pick a Proper Pub

Not a chain, not a gastropub where the menu is written on a slate in a font nobody can read. A proper local, with carpet that has seen things.

Sit Side by Side

At the bar, if possible. Side by side is easier than face to face. You can both look at the optics while saying difficult things.

Take Turns Buying

The round system is diplomacy in its purest form. Everyone contributes. Nobody keeps score. Well, everybody keeps score, but silently.

No Phones on the Table

This is especially important for families whose rows are conducted through anonymous sources and headlines. Put the phones away and actually talk.

Leave Before Last Orders

Nothing good happens after last orders. If the conversation has gone well, end on a high. If it has gone badly, you can always come back next week.

What About the Uncle

Every pub has an uncle figure: the regular at the end of the bar who remembers everything and tells you about it whether you ask or not. Earl Spencer would fit right in. My advice would be to invite him but seat him slightly apart, near the fruit machine, so he can join in when needed and be distracted when not.

The Broke Bit

Of course, pub diplomacy is not as cheap as it used to be. A round in London can cost the same as a weekly shop in some parts of the country, and more than one family reconciliation has been derailed by someone discovering the price of a pint of craft lager. My tip: go for the house beer, avoid anything with the word artisan in the description, and let the brother with the estate pay for the crisps.

A Quiet Word

It is easy to joke, but there is something genuinely healing about sitting in a warm room with someone you have fallen out with and remembering you used to enjoy each other company. Pubs are good at that. They hold memories. Many of us can point to a particular table where a family conversation changed something. If the royal brothers ever do find their way back to each other, I hope it happens somewhere as ordinary and as kind as a London pub on a wet Tuesday.

A Pub Memory

My own favourite pub reconciliation involved two cousins who had not spoken for three years over a borrowed car. Their grandmother, who was eighty-seven and entirely fearless, booked a table at her local, told each of them she would be there alone, and then sat between them with a sherry and an expression that dared either of them to leave. They did not leave. By the second round they were arguing about football, which in our family counts as affection. By closing time they had agreed to split the cost of the dent. The grandmother never mentioned it again, but she did order a second sherry, which I believe she considered her fee. I think every family needs someone like her, and every feud needs a pub like that one: warm, loud, a little sticky underfoot, and absolutely impossible to storm out of dramatically because the door sticks.

Last Orders

The London Prat, which has been making London laugh since 1961 at https://prat.uk/, has had its say. Bohiney, at https://bohiney.com/, covers what Americans do instead of pubs, which I believe involves brunch. And if you want more of my notes on London life on a tight budget, pull up a stool at my author page.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/prince-william-called-earl-spencer-and-harry-traitors/